my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
