he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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