Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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