Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
