I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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