Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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