i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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