omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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