Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
