I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
