What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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