I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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