i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
