I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
