Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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