it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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