The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
