it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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