That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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