thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
