I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
