census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
