I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
