One girl and one boy is just not enough.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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