I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize