I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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