You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
