I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
