She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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