Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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