Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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