I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
