I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
