I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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