I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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