you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
