Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My breasts were aching with rage.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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