I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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