Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
