I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
