I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
