Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
