my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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