she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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