dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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