Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
