I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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