Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
