the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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