he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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