You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
