matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
