She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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