Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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