i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.