3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
