I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
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I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.