i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....