Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
