I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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