do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
