in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
