Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
