I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
