I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
