I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
thus making me awesome and them whores
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
