I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
