We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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