Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
