I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
