Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
