Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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