need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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