i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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