Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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