Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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