I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
