my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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